Men Who Struggled With Dating Reveal What Changed Their Approach and Made Them ‘Much Happier’

Dating culture often presents a complex landscape of modern pitfalls, burnout, and unspoken rules. In an open forum posted Oct. 21 on the subreddit r/AskReddit, users weighed in on what fundamentally changed their outcomes after enduring prolonged dating struggles. The thread generated 66 upvotes and 55 comments as contributors unpacked how adjusting their expectations, refining their social habits, and focusing on self-improvement reshaped their romantic trajectories.

Overcoming Hesitation and Building In-Person Confidence

Several commenters shared that their romantic failures were directly tied to second-guessing their own actions. One user pinpointed hesitation in physical affection as a primary obstacle, writing, I learnt to stop overthinking everything and just go for it. I would never make the first move, whether it was holding her hand or going for a kiss. Paralyzed by the fear of misreading mutual interest, the commenter admitted, After 3-4 dates every woman I spoke to would move on.

After recognizing the pattern, they shifted to a more confident and direct approach, noting that things became significantly better: I almost immediately got into a relationship, and when that one didn’t work out I got into another one like a month later.

Another user urged men to lower the stakes during social outings, advising them to treat public spaces as casual opportunities to mingle rather than targeted missions. Stop trying so hard and just focus on having fun. Don’t just talk to the women at the bar or party, talk to everyone. Don’t just straight up approach someone and ask them out, they wrote.

The contributor suggested striking up low-pressure conversations based on common interests, such as a band or game shirt, using conversation starters like, Sick shirt! I actually saw Deftones at Riot Fest once and they put on a banger of a show. Emphasizing mutual cues such as eye contact and open body posture, the user stressed emotional composure: Whatever the case, don’t act desperate, they wrote. [Y]ou’re there to have fun and socialize, not follow some cute girl around like a lost puppy.

Combating Modern Dating App Burnout and Setting Boundaries

Digital fatigue emerged as another major theme in the discussion. One user described a strategic overhaul of how they engaged with online matches to prevent exhaustion: I stopped trying to woo everyone I matched with. It helped reduce a lot of the wasted time and by extension, the burnout that comes with that.

Their solution was setting a firm boundary prior to meeting in real life: No date without a brief video call first. Outlining the practical value of a digital screening step, they explained, A video call gives you some very important indicators up front, emphasizing that it will demonstrate that you value your time and that you’ve got standards (because you do). The poster noted that while the rule did not provide an instant fix, it had tangible benefits: Following this simple practice didn’t magically win me more girlfriends, but it certainly raised my success rate because it helped filter out time-wasters.

For others, walking away from formal dating altogether brought the most relief. One user detailed walking away after enduring repeated infidelity: I dont [sic] think most people fall into my exact situation, noting their prior history was Dated 23 women 17 cheated #23 super-cheated. Ultimately finding contentment outside of traditional dating, they wrote that they Got a great FWB, stopped dating, concluding that they are now Much happier.

Investing in Long-Term Personal Stability

A separate contributor recounted taking a deliberate 10-year hiatus from dating to focus entirely on self-regulation and life milestones before entering the dating pool with serious intentions. I stayed single and spent 10 years getting my life together, they wrote, explaining that they Worked on myself to handle challenges with anxiety, depression, and anger while building personal security.

They explained that they Became professionally and financially successful by climbing the ladder and investing, and that they Learned to be patient and happy. In addition, the commenter learned to not sweat stuff and just ignore or walk away from situations that don’t benefit me or are unclear. That disciplined patience ultimately led them into stable long-term partnerships; after dating five women, they got into long term relationships with 2, the last being my wife. Offering their parting insight, they concluded: Don’t date before you’re ready and happy with yourself, and know what you want in life.

As noted in the reporting, the individual accounts and personal relationship histories shared on r/AskReddit could not be independently verified.

Why This Matters

Modern dating continues to be characterized by app fatigue, shifting social etiquette, and widespread burnout among both men and women. The insights shared in the discussion reflect a wider cultural shift away from aggressive pursuit and superficial app swiping toward intentional boundaries, mental health prioritization, and emotional self-reliance. As singles navigate high-friction environments both online and offline, discussions like these highlight how setting practical parameters—such as pre-date video screenings and focusing on self-sufficiency—are becoming standard survival tactics in contemporary dating.

Frequently Asked Questions

What were the main changes men made to improve their dating lives?

Contributors pointed to several practical shifts: establishing clear boundaries (such as conducting brief video calls before meeting in person), avoiding overthinking when initiating affection, relaxing expectations during in-person interactions, and taking time away from dating to secure financial and emotional stability.

Why did one commenter recommend a video call before a first date?

The commenter explained that a quick video call provides vital early indicators of compatibility, signals that you respect your own time, demonstrates high personal standards, and prevents the emotional burnout caused by unvetted, dead-end first dates.

Are the dating stories in the Reddit thread verified?

No. The anecdotes reflect personal accounts submitted anonymously by users on the r/AskReddit forum and have not been independently confirmed.